There's not much on the surface at the moment. My chest hurts and when I close my eyes I see a large kraken brooding over me. It feels nice to close my eyes though. The kraken doesn't seem to want trouble so I remain unbothered. I could also stare out the window for hours; the third story does wonders for a view. The sun is shining and it's sixty-two degrees in January. I was riding my bike home from work earlier and I kept saying out loud to myself, "holy fuck this feels good." When I was riding to work a couple of weeks ago when it was negative twenty degrees (farenheit) I was like, "Wow, this is really cold :l" (the :l being an emoticon for my facial expression while riding in the cold). I guess the point is that I learned something about balance and that it seems to be important to have in my life right now because I've always been sort of chaotic and self-destructive. The reason I’m on a bike right now is because I drove drunk last year and rolled my car six times. I don't want to eradicate the phases of imbalance that I'll go through completely as I still think they are still necessary, despite the turbulence. What I learned is that we need both sides of the spectrum to find that balance. Really good experiences and really bad ones. Really crazy experiences and really normal ones. Whatever you want to be good at, do tough practice and lots of it. Challenge yourself so that when game time comes you can perform well. That doesn’t apply to drinking and driving, I should mention. Not in my case, at least. Riding my bike to work every day in this weather has sort of let me experience it literally in a radical way by going from riding in snowy and windy conditions just barely over a week ago and now riding in perfect weather. The concept of balance applies literally to the bike as well. I've had to learn how to balance on the bike in new ways; adapt to riding in ice and several inches of snow on a little e-machine with fifteen inch tires and it's gotten me better and more swift now when handling the bike in dry occasions. I am not over confident in my abilities at this point and still try to be super careful, but I do feel a little more relaxed on the bike and can get into a flow state a little easier while riding on dry land. The calm air and warm sun feels so good on my face. I am so thankful to be alive.Â
Take what you learn when you're down under and apply it to your life when you're back up. It's the only way to prove that you've actually learned anything at all.Â
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- j.Â
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January 31, 2024
2:20 p.m.
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