Stream of Consciousness – 12/9/2023 – 1:20 a.m.
The air is sharp outside and dry. Forms a layer around your lungs of a substance like plastic film. My heart is constructed of a conjunction of gold and silver. There is nothing in my mind. I am bored. I type this with my eyes closed. I, fo course Type perfectly. I’ll keep digging deeper
deeper
‘til something comes out or comes up,
…
yet nothing is coming up.
I sit on my floor, on my carpet, it is alone and I am dark. I see nothing but the sky staring back at me through my third-story window, as it is above and I am below. ‘I’ this, ‘I’ that, why am I always making everything about me?
–
Stream of Consciousness – 12/11/2023 – 4:16 pm
You burden me. Always making it about yourself. But tell me, what is life if not making it (life) about yourself? You act as if I only exist in your mind. So tell me, what if I do? I’m tired of this game we’re playing and you’re telling me it’s not a game and that I should trust the process and the process is life. You say life is as much a game as it is economics and theory and I don’t understand what you mean by that. You say the whole truth lies beyond every half-truth. Why don’t you explain anything? Why do you pretend like your jargon is good enough. Oh my God, it is actually good enough because at the end of the day it is pure nothingness – that is everything, my Love, my God. What if it is in fact not jargon, all of this??? You say this all means nothing then act as if it means everything! ‘Exactly!’ You exclaim. What do you mean? You say you are not here to explain it to me and that the lips of wisdom are closed until you know how to listen properly. You say you will teach me but I have to signify that I am ready. Okay, I say. Let’s say I am ready.
Stop speaking in tongues, I ask. You say it is just jargon. I say that I thought what if it is in fact not jargon though. Okay, you say. I say okay as well. You say Learn to Meditate on Nothing first and foremost otherwise you will not find the No Where you Seek. Nowhere without understanding the Ultimate Emptiness is the nowhere not to be found. Now while when one Knows the Great Nothing then he too Knows the No Where To Be Found. I say that I find this information to be riveting. What if everything is always nothing because everything is always moving, it’s all energy always in motion. Every little molecule all of the time. Therefore something is endlessly becoming nothing in the wake of whence it just was, this momentary cycle of everything becoming nothing over and over again in infinite space and time which creates a realm in of itself where neither thought nor imagination can reach. You say that Space and Time are not fundamental and require no part in this understanding. Space and time are paradoxical infinities only relatively comprehensible in the finite space of our minds. You dare say it is made of Spirit and that Spirit also dwells in us. Spirit is Beyond Space and Time. You dare say trying to give It names was man’s folly, one of their greatest. Even the names we gave could only be given to the less comprehensible Gods beneath the One that Truly Is. And the only Thing that Truly Is is the Here and the Now. Okay, I say, So what is this Great Nothing in relation to the Incomprehensible God? ‘Exactly’ You say. You say soon I will know Everything and God.