Epitome of Limerence

you slept next to me for the first time

i wanted everything to be perfect

afraid the sounds of the cars passing by

outside through my window

would be enough to keep you awake

that it might be too dark or too bright

or my pillows too stiff or too frail

my breath too loud against your ear

my body too close or too distant

who am i to be allowed

to share this space with you

i was your first other in a long time

you said with a shake in your voice

my hands wanted to tell you

that you deserved more love

than you’d ever been given

this was my nervous attempt

there’s an old cove

where i’ve found love before

i may have been searching for it here

i do that accidentally

except the torch i used to find it

was made of a new light

something you had given me

was guiding me somewhere else

i had to be told

to not give up

on finding love

reminded

even if

this is not it

it sure is care

requited

–

you couldn’t remember

the last time

you’d slept

so well

________________________________________________________________

Missing you, Stranger

How is it that I could miss someone so

Someone whom I barely know

Or is it that I miss you more

because of that fact

My mind needs a reminder

That you are a stranger

So tenderly beautiful

and I am just lonely

I wrote you a letter

the morning I met you

You left before I could give it to you

and I cried.

I will see you again tomorrow

but my heart aches having to wait

I long for the crux

of your spirit

I am stuck in this purgatory of wonder

You are probably at home in the shower

Can I haunt you

in the ways that I want to

I will spend the rest of today

missing you

Wondering why

I miss a stranger

How is it that I could miss someone so

Someone whom I barely know

Or is it that I miss you more

because of that fact

I can’t make you miss me

but I’ll make it worth your time

________________________________________________________________

If I was a rose, would you stop to smell me?

You are a mystery novel

and I will read you voraciously

cover to cover

and construct a mental map

to travel upon

when making my map of your body

down the road

when I know you better

if I ever do

Will this mystery

turned fantasy

take a romantic twist

in the right direction

I hope so

but who knows

The butterflies in my stomach

laugh nervously

and I am smiling

ear to ear

I won’t lie

I am eager to see you again

but am in no rush

You fill my head with so many cliches

Distance makes the heart grow fonder

and

It’s about the journey

and

Not the destination

Honestly

I toss these cliches aside

After all

You are a mystery novel

Not a children’s book

_________________________________________________________________

The Maze & The Mirror

Life was a playground.

Work was class

you were recess.

Our love was us on a teeter totter.

A lot of back and forth

til we both fell off.

I was trying to fit too many moments

into a forever

and too many forevers

into a moment.

Life was a fun house.

I was a maze

and you were a mirror.

Should we have just slept together

the first night

or had sex like we wanted

on the second?

You were looking for something else.

I got lost looking for myself in you.

A misconstrued sunset

with a beautiful view.

_________________________________________________________________

i miss you because you’re beautiful

what a weird thing to say

almost unfair

because you want to be seen

as more than just beautiful

and you are

you wanted to be heard

and you were

i miss you because you are so beautiful

not were

you are

you

not we’re

all is fair in love

and i am in it without you

what a weird thing to say

_________________________________________________________________

Your perfume will wear off eventually

And I will go back to where I was

never going to hurt you

There was some sort of mismatch

Between your feelings

and how I was coming across

There was some sort of

Space between us

and things that have happened

_________________________________________________________________

You are Eve in the Evening

I am Adam all of the Time.

Apples to Apples

We all Fall down.

_________________________________________________________________

Your hands had teeth

Where are you

my sweet shining sun?

My Golden Flower

wrapped up in moon beams

My Moon Beam

wrapped up in golden pedals

I think I’m over you

yet I’m always looking

too see you around

I think I’m over

the thought

until

the thought

of you

and the fist

of that thought

wrenches my stomach

in its clench

Eats my meat

Drinks my milk

Kills my butterflies

until

I am nothing left but the core

of an apple

and its seeds

Your hands had teeth

If looks could kill

Your smile was my

original sin

Your eyes

were ego death

What I would do

to be pinned

to your cross

and be crucified

by you

Buried in your tomb

Risen again by you

Where are you

my Mother Mary

my Virgin Lamb

wrapped up in pneuma

and wind

_________________________________________________________________

i liked the way you rolled.

clothes folded on the bathroom sink

as you slipped into mine

as i slipped into you.

i slipped.

fell and hit my face on the bathroom sink

as i became a bloody mess

you ran like water.

_________________________________________________________________

we waited for each other

at both ends of the candle

burning

i could swallow a dollop

of your

furnish

we churned like butter last night

and turned like a watermill

the sheets soaking wet

hydroponic

you asked

what is that sound

like creatures in the walls

humming

knocking

i crawled on top of you

it’s just the wind

i whispered

i am the wind

climb you like a tree

you’re smaller than me

but still

the morning after

matching tee shirts

quiet

birds sang through a crack

in the glass of an open window

the sun shone through a screen

like spring in the winter

you’re like summer

in the winter

and this is the Fall

the blackout curtains

stay mostly closed

eradicate daylight savings

spring forward

like rushing in

fall back

like retreating

you stayed asleep

next to me

while i write

poetry

about you

while you dream

that i may recite

to you

upon waking

accompanied by

a cup of coffee

and that song

the birds were singing

–

the baby blanket

remained in the bed

from the day you got here

to the day you left

bits and pieces of you

may remain forever

even after i leave

but i’ll take You

with me

forever.

_________________________________________________________________

I miss you in those moments

Where I’m unsure

if my head is above water

or below it

Either way

I’m in the water

and having a hard time

staying afloat

having a hard time

just breathing

I guess

the difference

between me and you

is that it happens a lot for me

and I’m not sure

you even think of me anymore

Am I supposed to come to terms with that

realization

and then not think of you anymore?

Or how does that work?

Moving on means doing things you don’t want to do

Means doing things you don’t want to do

Doing things you don’t want to do.

I don’t want to do these things either.

You seemed to have moved on without any sort of

processing, closure, or reconciliation.

No, no.

That is me projecting.

Your journey is yours

and I love you for it

even though I’m the one that fucked it all up

Godspeed

My dearly beloved

May the wind be at your back

and may my mind be always at your side